Even though we want with all our hearts for there to be a place of final healing … where we will be able to leave our pain and anguish and confusion far behind … in reality this isn’t necessarily so! Healing is a journey, and yes, messy … there is always another layer!
It is absolutely OK to dip down again into the well of sorrow and grief, of pain and despair … it DOESN’T mean you have not healed properly … it doesn’t mean your healing so far has been in vain … it just means you have touched again your wound that cries out to be touched anew with love and compassion. That is all it needs … acceptance, love and compassion.
There was a time in my own journey when I was desperate for healing … I longed to be free of my pain. I was weary with all of the things I had tried again, and again to heal, to be ‘fixed’.
There was a time when I was on my knees crying out for peace and healing … I collapsed in a heap and just lay there … and I saw in my mind a small Dinah, like a small lost child, looking at me … and I heard her say ‘I don’t want to be healed … I just want you to SEE me … I just want you to HEAR me … I just want you to LOVE me!” I finally did see and hear that small, frightened, damaged part of me, and in that instance a great love for her washed over me … I can feel it now ..
I realised that in my efforts to heal, I had been pushing that small, damaged and wounded self far away, and really just making her fear and isolation worse! When I embraced her and let myself feel love and compassion for her, I felt free for the first time in so many years! I felt such gratitude that I finally understood … and of course that was my healing! What a paradox … in letting go of my need to heal I was able to touch my wounds with love and my fear disappeared. Not forever and always … I still have times when I feel the pain, feel the fear and confusion. But I no longer feel afraid of those feelings anymore … they no longer have power to disarm me completely.
It’s OK to feel undone again …it’s OK to dip again into your pain and grief … it’s OK to feel fear and anguish … just remember that love awaits you … longing to see you & hear you and enfold you in loving arms. If you let go of your need to be healed once and for all, and embrace your wounds … you will finally be free! I promise you … ♥️
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